Dating
Butch, femme or masc: what's the difference?
Three words that get used as if they were interchangeable, or as if one were the opposite of another. Neither is true.
Butch and masc both describe masculine presentation, and femme describes feminine presentation. Butch is an identity with a long lesbian history behind it. Masc is a wider, newer description of how someone looks. Femme is an identity in its own right, not simply what is left when you take butch away.
The three words side by side
They overlap in places, which is why they get muddled. Set next to each other, the differences are easier to see.
| Word | What it describes | What people get wrong |
|---|---|---|
| Butch | Masculine presentation, worn on purpose, with a long lesbian history attached | That it means wanting to be a man |
| Femme | Feminine presentation, also worn on purpose | That it is the default, or butch's opposite number |
| Masc | Masculine-presenting, a broader and newer description | That it is a softer word for butch |
Masc and butch are not the same word
Masc describes how someone looks and carries themselves. Butch is a claim to an identity that comes with a history.
Plenty of women are the first without wanting the second. Some choose masc because it describes how they look without signing them up to a rulebook about how a butch is supposed to act. Neither is the polite version of the other. They do different work.
Femme is an identity of its own
Femme is feminine presentation chosen deliberately, and it stands on its own.
Treating it as the other half of a pair, or as decoration, is the most common mistake on any dating app. A femme is not waiting to be completed by anyone's butch.
The words in between
Two words were never going to be enough, which is why the rest exist. These are the ones you will see most.
- Soft butch. Masculine of centre without the harder edges.
- Futch. Femme and butch at once, or moving between them.
- Androgynous. Neither, on purpose.
- Tomboy. Widely understood and informal, usually masculine of centre without butch's history.
Stud and AG sit slightly apart. Both grew out of Black lesbian communities, chiefly in the US, and both describe masculine presentation with a particular history attached, so neither is a swap for butch. Whether they are your words is for you to say. If they are not, knowing what they mean when you read them is more useful than borrowing them. There is more on the stud dating page.
Do you have to pick one?
No. Most people land somewhere in the middle, shift with the day, or find that no word quite fits.
A word on a profile is not a contract. Change it next week if it stops fitting. Nothing you wrote when you joined is binding.
Using the words on a profile
On Lesbian Flings you choose your own words and can change them whenever you like, or leave the space blank. VIP adds advanced search filters, which work on what members say about themselves.
If one of these is you, or the one you are looking for, go deeper on butch, femme or masc, or read the full glossary on our butch and femme page.
Questions people ask
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What is the difference between butch and masc?
Butch is an identity with a long lesbian history. Masc is a broader description of presentation. Plenty of women are masc without claiming butch, which is why both words exist.
Is femme the opposite of butch?
No. Femme is an identity in its own right, not the absence of butch.
What does masc mean for a woman?
Her presentation leans masculine. It describes how she looks and carries herself, not a claim to be a man.
Can you be butch and femme?
Yes. Futch is the word for being both, or moving between them, and plenty of people move around for years.
What is a soft butch?
Masculine of centre without the harder edges, somewhere between butch and androgynous.
How do I find masc women near me?
Set your distance, then use advanced search on Lesbian Flings to filter on how members describe themselves. There is more on the masc dating page.