Butch, femme and everything between · 18+

However you present, somebody is looking for exactly that

Butch, femme, masc, stud, soft butch, futch, or none of the above. Say what fits, find women who are looking for it, and skip the guessing.

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What do butch and femme mean?

Butch describes masculine presentation and femme describes feminine presentation, both chosen deliberately rather than arrived at by default. Both are identities in their own right. Plenty of women sit between them, move around, or find that neither word fits. On Lesbian Flings you pick your own words and change them whenever you like.

Who decides

You do. Nobody here gets assigned a category by us, and you can leave it blank.

Why it helps

It saves both of you a conversation. Advanced search filters on what people have said about themselves.

What it costs

Nothing to join, build a profile or browse. VIP adds the advanced filters.

The words, and what they actually mean

Written by people who use them, not looked up.

Butch

Masculine presentation, worn deliberately. A long-standing lesbian identity with its own history, not a costume and not a stand-in for wanting to be a man.

Femme

Feminine presentation, also worn deliberately. Femme is an identity in its own right rather than the absence of butch, which is the bit people get wrong most often.

Masc

Short for masculine-presenting. Broader and newer than butch, and often preferred by people who do not want the weight of history that butch carries.

Stud

A masculine-presenting lesbian, a term that comes from Black lesbian communities, mostly in the United States. It is specific to that context rather than a synonym for butch.

Short for aggressive. From the same communities as stud and used in a similar way.

Soft butch

Masculine of centre without the harder edges. Somewhere between butch and androgynous, and a very common place to actually sit.

Chapstick

Lightly masc, low-maintenance, more practical than performed. Mostly used with affection and a small amount of eye-rolling.

Lipstick femme

High femme presentation. Sometimes shortened to lipstick lesbian, which is slightly dated but still in use.

Futch

Femme and butch at once, or moving between them. Half a joke, half genuinely the most accurate word available.

Androgynous

Neither, deliberately. Often the answer for people who find both halves of the spectrum equally uncomfortable.

Stone

Prefers to give rather than receive touch. It is about what you want in bed, not about presentation, and the two get muddled constantly.

Tomboy

Widely understood, mildly informal, and usually describing masc-of-centre presentation without claiming the history that butch does.

A word about the last few. Stud and AG come from Black lesbian communities, mostly in the United States. They describe masculine presentation but they carry a specific history, and they are not simply swaps for butch.

If they are yours, they are yours. If they are not, the useful thing is knowing what they mean when you read them, rather than borrowing them.

Three things the words are not

Worth saying, because all three come up constantly.

Not a hierarchy

Femme is not butch's opposite number. It is an identity in its own right, and treating it as decoration is the most common mistake on any dating app.

Not a contract

You can change it on Tuesday. Nobody is holding you to what you wrote when you joined, and plenty of people move around for years.

Not about gender

Masculine presentation is not a claim about being a man. Butch women have been explaining this for seventy years and should not have to keep doing it.

Go deeper on one

Four pages, four different conversations.

Butch Masculine presentation with its own history behind it. Femme An identity of its own, not the absence of butch. Masc Masculine of centre, without the weight butch carries. Stud From Black lesbian communities, and specific to them.

If presentation is not the thing you are searching on, try mature lesbian dating, something casual, or just whoever is nearby.

Questions about presentation

Support is staffed 24/7 if yours isn't here.

What do butch and femme mean?

Butch describes masculine presentation and femme describes feminine presentation, both worn deliberately rather than by default. Both are identities in their own right. Femme in particular is not simply the absence of butch, which is the thing people get wrong most often.

Do I have to pick one?

No. Most people sit somewhere in between, move around depending on the day, or find that none of the words fit. Soft butch, futch, androgynous and chapstick all exist because the two-word version was never enough.

Is butch an offensive word?

Not inside the community. It is a long-standing lesbian identity that women claim for themselves. What makes any of these words a problem is somebody else applying them to you without asking.

What is the difference between butch and stud?

Stud comes from Black lesbian communities, mostly in the United States, and carries that specific history. It describes masculine presentation but it is not simply a swap for butch, and it is not a word to reach for casually if it is not yours.

Can I search by presentation?

Advanced search lets you filter on what people have put on their profiles, including how they describe themselves. Nobody is assigned a category by us. You say what fits, and you change it whenever you like.

What if none of these words fit me?

Then use none of them. Plenty of members leave that field empty and get on with it. The words are there to save time when they help, not to be a form you have to complete.

Use whichever word is yours

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