Femme lesbian dating · 18+
Femme is an identity, not a default setting
Meet women who read femme as a choice rather than as the thing you are when you have not chosen anything.
- 18+ only
- You choose your own words
- Free to join
- ODDA member
What is femme dating?
Femme lesbian dating means meeting women who present femininely and mean it, or who are looking for someone who does. Femme is an identity in its own right rather than the absence of butch. On Lesbian Flings you say it on your profile and search for women who said what you are after.
Four things femme women get tired of
Mostly from inside the community, which is the annoying part.
Being told you do not look gay
There is no way to look gay. The idea that femme presentation is somehow less convincing is called femme invisibility and it has been a problem for decades.
Being assumed to be new at this
Femme women who have been out for twenty years still get treated as though they wandered in last week.
Being matched only with butches
Femme for femme is extremely common and barely served by anything mainstream. It is a real search, not a niche curiosity.
Being read as passive
Feminine presentation says nothing about who does what, in bed or anywhere else. The two get conflated constantly and they are unrelated.
Femme invisibility is the actual problem
The complaint is not vanity. It is that femme women get read as straight by everyone including other lesbians, which makes the ordinary business of meeting someone harder than it needs to be.
A site where every profile belongs to a woman who likes women removes the whole problem in one move. Nobody here is working out whether you are gay. That was established at the door.
The rest of the spectrum
Same community, different words.
Questions about femme dating
Support is staffed 24/7 if yours isn't here.
What does femme mean?
Femme describes feminine presentation, chosen deliberately, in a woman who likes women. It is an identity in its own right and not simply the absence of butch.
Is femme just being girly?
No. Plenty of straight women present femininely without it meaning anything. Femme is specifically that presentation held by a queer woman, which is a different thing and carries its own history.
What is femme for femme?
Two femme women dating each other. It is common, it is well established, and mainstream apps handle it badly because they assume every couple needs a contrast.
What is femme invisibility?
Being read as straight by default, including by other lesbians, because your presentation does not fit somebody's mental picture. It is the single most common frustration femme women raise.
Do I have to say I'm femme?
No. Plenty of members leave that field blank. It is there to save time when it helps, not because anyone has to complete it.