Dating
WLW dating: what it means and where to start
A short term that covers a lot of ground, and a useful one if the other labels have never quite fitted.
WLW stands for women who love women, or women loving women. It is an umbrella term covering lesbian, bisexual, pansexual and queer women, and anyone who is a woman attracted to women. People use it when they want to describe the attraction without committing to a specific label for themselves.
Where the term comes from and why it is useful
WLW grew up online, largely on social platforms, as shorthand for a space or a piece of content that was about women being attracted to women without narrowing it to one identity. It has since spread well beyond that.
Its usefulness is precisely its breadth. Lesbian describes an identity. Bisexual describes a different one. WLW describes a direction of attraction that all of them share, which makes it handy when you are talking about a community, a space, or a feeling rather than a category.
- Lesbian is a woman attracted to women, exclusively or nearly so.
- Bisexual is attraction to more than one gender.
- Pansexual is attraction regardless of gender.
- Sapphic is a near synonym for WLW, with a more literary flavour.
- Queer is a broad reclaimed term some people prefer to all of the above.
You do not need to have picked one. Plenty of women date women for years without settling on a word for it, and plenty change the word they use over time. Neither of those is a problem to solve.
Starting out when you have not done this before
The scene is not the only door
If bars are not your thing, they are not compulsory. Most people meeting women now are doing it online first, and that is a legitimate route rather than a consolation prize.
You are allowed to be new
Saying you are new is disarming, not embarrassing. Most women will read it as honest. A few will not, and that tells you something useful about them. Plenty of women arrive new to this in their forties or fifties, which is common enough that we wrote about mature lesbian dating separately.
Do not audition
There is no exam. You do not need a history, a haircut or a favourite album to qualify. Turning up as yourself is the whole requirement.
Go slower than you think you need to
Message for a bit, meet somewhere public, keep the first one short. A ninety-minute coffee that goes well is better than a four-hour dinner that does not.
Making a profile that actually gets replies
- One clear photo of your face. No sunglasses, no group shot where nobody can tell which one is you.
- Something specific. "I love travelling" says nothing. "I have a list of every pub in this city that does a decent roast" starts a conversation.
- Say what you are after. A date, a fling, a relationship, a friend, or undecided. All of those are answers.
- Get verified. On any platform that offers it. It costs nothing and it visibly separates you from the fake accounts.
If you want the longer version of the first-message problem, we wrote a whole piece on it.
Questions people ask
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What does WLW mean?
WLW stands for women who love women, or women loving women. It is an umbrella term for lesbian, bisexual, pansexual and queer women, and for anyone who is a woman attracted to women.
What is the difference between WLW and lesbian?
Lesbian describes a specific identity, a woman attracted to women exclusively or nearly so. WLW is broader and describes the attraction rather than the identity, so it includes bisexual and pansexual women too.
Is WLW the same as sapphic?
They are used almost interchangeably. Sapphic carries a slightly more literary tone, from the poet Sappho, while WLW is the more everyday online shorthand. Both cover the same ground.
Do I need to know if I am a lesbian before dating women?
No. Plenty of women date women while still working out what to call themselves, and plenty never settle on a single word. Being uncertain about the label does not make your attraction less real or your presence less welcome.
Where can I meet WLW near me?
Online is where most people start now, particularly outside big cities. Look for a platform where you can browse free, see who is genuinely active near you, and state what you are looking for without it being awkward.